This book is a man's guide to recovering from divorce and starting a new life. Written from the viewpoint of psychologists, the book uses a question and answer format to give men straight advice on how to minimize conflict, reduce harm to children, and start new relationships. The format enables the reader to choose just those sections that are applicable or of most interest.

Where do you stand?


Sample Q&A: What can I do to get her back?


Do’s—Things to DO if you want her back

When you communicate with her, tell her directly that you want to work it out.

Talk with friends or family so that you are not isolated.

Ask friends and family not to give you advice, but rather just to be supportive.

Consider seeing a counselor, minister, or rabbi for a neutral second opinion. Sometimes, you just need to talk and blurt out everything. If so, it may be better to talk with a counselor, psychologist,or religious leader than with friends or family.

Keep regular contacts with your children through visitation and phone calls.

Offer to see a marriage counselor with her if she feels that would be helpful.

Agree that changes are needed in the relationship for it to be viable.

Acknowledge that she has legitimate complaints, and you want to address them.

Focus on developing healthy habits such as exercise, losing weight, and eating a healthy diet.

If you are religious, get more involved with your faith.


Don’ts—Things to NOT DO if you want her back

Don’t beg, plead, or cry. She doesn’t want a wuss.

Don’t bug her with multiple e-mails, phone calls, or notes.

Don’t show up at her place of business to talk to her.

Don’t hire a private investigator to follow her.

Don’t increase your use of alcohol, tobacco, or other substances.

Don’t become a workaholic.

Don’t complain about her to your family and friends.

Don’t speak ill of her to the children.

Don’t spend lots of money on her to prove that you love her.

Don’t start another relationship to make her jealous or to consider your options.

Don’t be angry during your interactions with her.

Don’t ask her if she is seeing another man.

Don’t cruise by her place to see if she’s home or if there’s another car in the driveway.


Dangerous comments to avoid

Be careful of what your friends and family tell you. They often give loads of well-meaning advice such as:

“You ought to show up at her place and tell her you love her.”

“I wouldn’t take that from her.”

“She’ll come running back to you…wait and see.”

“I can’t believe you’ve stayed as long as you have.”

“She’s just trying to get your money.”

“She must have someone else.”


For more answers and helpful resources The Guys-Only Guide to Getting Over Divorce by Sam J. Buser, Ph.D. & Glenn F. Sternes, Ph.D. is the single best resource for men facing divorce. Easy to read, lively, down to earth, and definitely guy-friendly. One of the best tools for lawyers, family doctors, therapists, and health-care professionals — every office should have a dozen copies. Written by nationally recognized experts in men’s issues.